Saturday, December 21, 2013

Putin Never Quits

A while ago I read a comment on some blog suggesting the idea of a Puttin' on the Ritz remake about Putin. I immediately started thinking about all the words that rhyme with Ritz and that could be relevant to Vladimir Vladimirovich. I'm no Weird Al, so this is pretty clumsy, but here it goes:

Putin Never Quits

Have you seen this handsome man?
Are you yet another fan?
Then you know his name is Vlad
And that he makes sissies mad.
Hot chicks and judo fighting,
Swift kicks and horseback riding.
He's a former spy
And a really cool guy.
All the shady banksters' flacks
And all the sleazy newsroom hacks
Are having fits.
Putin never quits.
Have you seen how he reacted
When confronted with a bunch
Of Femen tits?
Putin never quits.
Soros talks of him with indignation.
That's 'cause he shows total dedication
To his nation.
From the Arctic to Black Sea
So many people want to see
Him land some hits.
Putin never quits.
His commitment's always total.
He'll fight every foreign foe till
He submits.
Putin never quits.
Here's a picture of him with his mama.
Here he's outmaneuvering Obama.
What a drama!
Every thieving oligarch
And terrorist, your future's dark,
Expect some hits.
Putin never quits
Putin never quits
Putin never quits.

Obviously, some of these lines call for pictures. For example, there IS a famous photograph of young Putin with his mom. And the "what a drama" line should be accompanied by a split screen of Putin, Assad and Obama, overlaid with pictures of beakers and chemical formulas. Ideally, this would be a YouTube video, but first I'd have to record some audio.

I've listened to a few karaoke versions of Puttin' on the Ritz and hated them all. I'm really bad on the piano myself, so learning the score would take some time. Plus I'm lazy. In case I never get to it, at least the lyrics will be online. You can do anything you like with them.